Have you ever met a girl that you tried to date, but a year of making love she wanted you to wait?

Let me tell you a story of my situation:

I was talkin' to this girl from the U.S. nation. The way that I met her was on tour at a concert (she had long hair and a short miniskirt). I just got offstage. Dripping, pouring with sweat, I was walking through the crowd and guess who I met? (Rhetorical question LOL!)

I whispered in her ear, "Come to the picture booth, so I can ask you some questions to see if you are a hundred-proof." Then I asked her her name. She said, "blah, blah, blah..." She had 9/10 pants and a very big bra.

I took a couple of flicks, and she was enthused!

I said, "How do you like the show?" She said, "I was very amused.."

I started throwing bass; she started throwing back mid-range. But when I sprung the question, she acted kind of strange.

Then when I asked, "Dost thou have a consort?" she tried to pretend!! She said, "'Tis not a swain! 'Tis but a friend!

...Come on. I'm not even going for it. This is what I'm going to sing:

"Darling, you possess what I desire... but you insist he's just a friend. You maintain he's just a friend!!

Oh, darling, you possess the only key to my heart... but I fear that I share you with another man! Your placations, your assurances are nothing. I need proof. But still, you say he's just a friend."

So, I took blah-blah's word for it. At this time, I thought just having a friend couldn't be no crime... 'Cause I have friends and that's a fact -- Like Agnes, Agatha, Germaine, and Jack (R.I.P. Agatha).

Forget about that, let's go into the story about a girl named Blah-Blah-Blah that "adored" me.

So we started talking, getting familiar... spending a LOT of time so we can build up a relationship or at least some understanding of how it's gonna be in this future we were planning.

Everything sounded so dandy and sweet that I had no idea I was in for a treat (irony). After this was established, everything was cool, since the tour was over and she went back to school.

I called every day to see how she was doing. Every time that I called her it seemed as if, like my grandma used to say, "somethin' was brewin'."

I called her (on my dime!), and she hung up! I called again. I said, "Yo, who was that?"

... "Oh, he's just a friend."

Don't give me that. Don't EVER give me that. Jus' bust this:

Sweet sunshine of my life. You are the gin in my martini. The clams in my proverbial linguini. But I still cannot shake the growing darkness, the all-consuming dread that you may have fallen for another man. Every hour waiting for you to return my telephone calls, my texts, my emails... something to let me know that you exist! That I exist! Darling, I must see you. You are my only.


So I came to her college on a surprise visit, to see my girl that was so exquisite. It was a school day. I knew she was there (after all, it was the first semester of the school year).

I went to a gate to ask, "Where is her dorm?" and this guy made me fill out a visitor's form! Anyway, he told me where it was and I was on my way to see my baby doll, I was happy to say.

I arrived in front of the dormitory.

"Yo, could you tell me where is door three?"

They showed me where it was, for the moment (nothing is forever in this ephemeral world, as it would soon present); I didn't know I was in for such an event.

So I came to her room and opened the door.

...Oh, snap.

Guess what I saw.

A fella tongue-kissing my girl -- in the mouth! I was so in shock my heart went down south. Literally. I had to have surgery. I almost died... it was awful.

So, anyway, please listen to the message that I say:

Don't ever talk to a girl who says she just has a friend.